Gossip
by Yuuki F
Summary: Just some idle gossip.  one-shot


Reimu sat on the back porch as usual. Suika was singing loudly and getting drunk. Really, really loudly. Honestly, it was quite annoying (unless you were Reimu and were quite used to such things by now). She responded to Suika's antics by sitting on the porch, silently drinking tea, paying attention to the wind chimes.

A gap opened up on the lawn in front of Reimu. Ran and Chen unceremoniously fell onto the lawn before Yukari opened up a gap beside Reimu and slithered out.

"Mmmm, it's so cold alone in my bed~~," Yukari said, cozying up to Reimu.

Reimu sighed, "I was enjoying the day too," she turned her head to Yukari (who was wrapped around her at the moment), "Besides, it's the middle of Summer! It's hot!"

Yukari teased Reimu, "But it's cold in my heart without you there~"

Reimu tapped her on the head, "Get lost, let me enjoy the day."

Yukari started slithering back into her gap, "Oww~, I guess I'll wake up when Reimu is a little less grouchy."

Reimu reach up inside the gap, pulling Yukari out, "Whoawhoawhoa, wait a minute."

Yukari looked hopeful, "Yes?"

Reimu pointed at Ran, Chen, and Suika, "What do you take me for, your babysitter?"

Yukari continued to smile, look at the unwelcome visitors, and then back at Reimu with another hopeful gaze, "Yes?"

"Nonono," Reimu forcefully pulled Yukari the rest of the way out of the gap by her hair and onto the porch, "I'm not letting you off so easily."

Yukari sat up, rubbing her head, "Ouch,"

After grabbing some tea from the plate beside Reimu, Yukari turned to her, "So, you've got to have some gossip."

"Eh, why would I?"

"...Isn't that part of your job?"

Reimu shrugged, not giving any answer, watching Suika trying to give Chen alcohol, and Ran trying to stop her.

Aya landed from above soon after.

Yukari clapped her hands, "Oh! I guess I won't be too bored after all!"

Reimu winced, "What rumors do you want to accuse me of today, crow?"

Aya shrugged, taking a seat beside Yukari, "Relax, it's a slow news day, so I thought I'd see if anything was up here."

Yukari slumped, "Darn it, I thought you'd bring me something more exciting."

Aya sighed, "The last item of worth was Marisa and Alice."

Reimu waved that off, "Come on, everyone knew about that…Or at least suspected."

Aya replied, "Really, how do you know that?"

"Come on. The two have been living right next to each other forever, and were constantly out questing with each other. And the way they acted around each other! It seemed only natural."

Yukari brightened up, as an idea for a conversation hit her, "Oh? Then, who else do you think are together Reimu?"

Aya perked up, she also liked this line of conversation.

"Well..." she paused for a moment, looking up in the air for a moment before looking back at Yukari and Aya, "Remilia and Patchouli."

Yukari feinted surprise, "What? Really?"

Aya replied, "But I was thinking Patchouli was a rival for Alice. At least, that's what I've always heard."

Reimu waved Aya off again, "Patchouli and Remilia have been living together for a hundred years! They call each other by abbreviated names. And Remilia lets her use the mansion and her maids. There's got to be some reason behind that."

Yukari pondered, "I know Remilia is the head of the household, but I'm not so sure about how things work at SDM myself. Like, does Patchouli own the library, or does Remilia just kind of let Patchouli use it?"

Reimu faced Yukari, "Like I said, they've been living together for a hundred years, it's a shared household."

Aya pushed the debate further, "Alright, then how do you think Sakuya fits in this?"

Reimu waved Aya off yet again, "Another one of Remilia's treasures."

Yukari butted in, "Actually, I always heard rumors of Sakuya and...what's her name? China?" (in the distance, Hong Meiling sneezed), "Being a thing."

Reimu looked at Yukari surprised, "What? That idiot gate guard with the sophisticated maid? Really?"

Aya laughed, "Maybe Sakuya is a player?"

Yukari laughed, "And then there's Koakuma, isn't she a succubus or something? In which case I'm sure Patchouli and her..."

Reimu shook her head, "You speak of SDM as if it were some wild party!"

Suika looked around, hearing the word party. The trio went back to being silent until Suika got distracted by something else.

Aya replied, "Yeah, yeah. So the worst case (or best case, depending on how you look at it) would be Koakuma and Patchouli, Patchouli and Remilia, Remilia and Sakuya, and Sakuya and China. All under the same roof."

Yukari shook her head, "And poor Flandre in the basement."

Reimu laughed, "This is ridiculous."

Yukari clapped her hands, thinking of a new idea, she liked this game, "Ooo, crack pairings!"

Aya laughed, "Cirno with Anyone."

They all laughed in response.

Reimu decided to change the subject a little, "Well then, what about Rinnosuke?"

Aya noted, "I remember there used to be rumors of Rinnosuke and Marisa, or even Rinnosuke and Alice..."

Yukari noted sarcastically, "It's a grim secret in the Marisa and Alice household."

The other two laughed, Reimu added, "Ohhh, poor Rinnosuke."

Aya agreed, "Yeah, the only guy, yet so alone."

Yukari jumped in again, "Except maybe Rinnosuke and Cirno."

The other two laughed again.

Reimu pointed her finger in the air, "Oh, what about those mountain folk?"

Aya flat-out responded, "Oh, Suwako and Kanako, definitely."

Yukari looked over at Aya, "Really? I suppose being a mountain folk yourself, you would know..."

Aya waved off Yukari, "Oh yeah, I mean, they've been around together forever. And Suwako is basically bumming off of Kanako (not the other way around, as Suwako would have you think). And, I mean, there's got to be some reason for it, right?"

Reimu noted, "That reason seems very similar to why Remilia and Patchouli should be together."

Aya changed the subject a little, "Well then, you've been to Eientei, right? What do you think is going on there?"

Reimu pondered into the distance, "Hmm, I don't really know..."

Yukari waved off Reimu, "Oh, are you kidding me? Kaguya and Eiren, definitely."

Reimu looked at Yukari, "How can you be so sure?"

Yukari explained, "How old are they? They've been together since they left the Moon together. And Eiren takes care of _everything_ for Kaguya. It's just like the reason with Patchouli and Remilia, there's got to be some reason Eiren sticks around."

Reimu responded, "Well, from what I heard, Eiren has basically been running off of guilt."

Yukari became despondent, "Come on! For _that long_? There has _got_ to be something else going on."

Reimu shrugged, "Fine, fine, this is just idle gossip anyways."

Aya looked over at Reimu, "What do you think about that group."

Reimu responded flatly, "Well, Keine and Mokou, definitely."

Yukari and Aya were in turn surprised, "Really?"

Reimu nodded, "Definitely, the human village has many rumors flying about those two."

Yukari, "Hm, I guess I could see it..."

The conversation finally came at a pause. Aya decided to try her luck.

"So, what about you two?"

Yukari and Reimu looked over at Aya, simultaneously responding, "What?"

Aya explained, "Are you two," she pointed back and forth between Yukari and Reimu, "You know..."

Reimu eye's flared, "You have some nerve, crow."

Aya pressed her luck, "Oh! So defensive, it must be true!"

Yukari intejected before Reimu could react, "Oh really?" She pointed at Aya, "What about you and Momiji?"

Aya looked flustered, "Wha-that is-!"

A sly grin grew on Reimu's face, "Oh, what's that? Couldn't hear you."

Aya suddenly stood up, "I think I have enough material for now."

And she quickly flew off.

Reimu yelled after her, "Goodbye!"

Yukari looked up in the sky, watching her off, "Well, that was nice."

Reimu went back to her tea, "Slightly less boring that usual."

Yukari looked over at Reimu, "But, you never did answer the question."

Reimu tapped Yukari on the head again, "Drop it."

Yukari left it at that for now, leaving the day to be peaceful once again.

As for the next day...The next day's edition of the Bunbunmaru Newspaper was the most ridiculous anyone had ever read.


End file.
